Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Boing

Just a few moments ago in the office I literally bounced off a fat man's belly. Totally ran into his spring-loaded gut on accident. That's it.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

yawn

I'm tired. I'm tired of stupid girls that ask me to make them a drink at the bar, "Something different- exotic!" I'm tired of the incredulous excitement on their faces when their eyes get all big and they realize they like my one-of-a-kind mango-lime-pineapple-sugar-bullshit martini. I'm also tired of their poorly applied eye shadow that makes them resemble Miss Piggy. I never liked her. I'm tired of all the pseudo-vintage plaid western cut shirts guys wear. I'm tired of people who obsess over "Lost". I'm tired of drinking Stella Artois- it tastes skunky. I'm tired of paying $2.50 for a shitty vegan cookie at my local grocery store because they're the only thing open at 1 a.m. I'm tired of people loving Pinkberry, but I am kind of loving all the Pinkberry rip-off franchises. I'm tired of hedge funds with hip offices. I'm tired off temp agencies pretending they really care, and that they don't think of you as personnel pussy to be turned out onto the streets of Midtown. I'm tired of finding a job I like, getting through three interview rounds, and hearing that the other person "just had a little more ad experience under their belt." I'm tired of NY Post headlines. I'm tired of that asshole's dog who whines and moans everyday at 8:04 AM when he chains it outside our window to get his morning coffee. I'm tired of smug baristas with a little too much self-importance. I'm tired of lofts and the finance people who buy them. I'm tired of seeing everyone reading "The Kite Runner". I'm tired of the MTA and their lack of any reasonable explanation why there is no train-service at rush-hour for 45 minutes. I'm tired and need to get some sleep.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008


I love when people make subway ads better.

Monday, February 11, 2008

The PUNisher

Lucky for everyone, my cousin decided to speak again. Here's a new gem.

Me: Hey, the H-Mart is open all night.

Rich: It's like the Lionel Richie of Korean grocery stores.

Me: Huh?

Rich: "All Night Long- All night!"

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Rich's Two Cents on Life

A new quote from my cousin Rich just minutes ago:

"Why haven't we been drinking Dr. Pepper before? It's fucking delicious!"

Friday, February 01, 2008

Thug Love

Finally, my quote has been posted on Overheard in New York.

All four of you who read this , please vote so it looks like I have fans!

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/013403.html

American Society: Does. Not. Compute.

Thug #1: Yo, she brought her friend along.
Thug #2: Yeah, but she was fat 'n' ugly, right?
Thug #1: No, man. She was fat 'n' cute!

--L train, 8th Ave

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Stereotypes Rule

Overheard at my nonprofit temp gig, circa lunchtime:

Dreadlocked white girl: Ooh what's that? It looks delicious!
Granola girl: It's a tofu vegetable medley. There's some quinoa and bean, too!
Dread Girl: Mmmm! It looks so warm and nourishing!

And then they proceeded to talk about their Peruvian sweaters made the Mayan way. I can't figure out if I love them or hate them yet.